The Rage

I used to joke with my sisters that while I was on birth control I would occasionally get..."The RAGE!" I'm not sure what the cause is but I would suddenly feel like my clothes were going to rip to shreds and I would be left an angry green mass. Sometimes the urge to roar would build up and I could easily relate to this creature...



Anyway, it seems "The Rage" is finding its way back into my life. It hit hard yesterday. It all started with me waking up very late. The snow had not only settled on my car but also frozen to it in thick bumpy sheets. The roads were great but I must have been the only person on I-15 who thought so because EVERYONE was inching by as though we had just had a world record snowstorm. (Yes, I AM exaggerating.) Look people, there wasn't even snow layering the road and the existence of black ice was highly debatable! Ugh! I finally made it to school.

There were a couple of incidents in school that fed the rage monster but by lunch time I was determined to get a handle on myself and regain decency. And then, after school, it happened...I saw I had missed a call. I dialed my voice mail. "Hi, this is the doctor's office..."

"Oh, they must calling to remind me of my anticipated appointment on Monday!" I thought with glee...WRONG! The smile that had crept on to my face soon distorted into a grimace of contempt. Nostrils flared, lips pursed, and jaw tightened. OMGosh, I'm turning green! Here's why: "...I'm calling to let you know we need to reschedule your appointment." Ahhh!!! With obscenities flying through my mind I luckily remembered I was still at school and I slapped a hand over my mouth.

I took a minute to think things through which didn't really work out for me because of my irrate state. I decided I would just hurry and call the office back. I asked the receptionist at least three times if she was sure that my original appointment couldn't somehow be salvaged. When I got an impatient, "YES! the ultrasound technician isn't going to be in until noon, so I don't see how that would be possible!" I deemed my attempts futile and I asked what she had available, all the while trying to explain my scheduling struggles:

- If I have a morning appointment AJ can go, but I have to request time off AGAIN, without giving 2 weeks notice, AND rearrange my students assignment schedules again so I can have a sub not have to give instruction, and communicate with my sub that I need him on a different day than planned.

- If I have an afternoon appointment AJ CANNOT GO.

The receptionist apathetically replied, "Ok, well, just tell me which works best for you..." And I am thinking, "I swear, I'm going to KILL you!!!" A little sympathy, please, for asking me to rearrange an important appointment with very little notice?

I settled for the appointment on Monday afternoon, the same Monday my appointment was originally scheduled for, which means AJ CAN'T be with me. So we are going to teleconference him in on my cell phone.

Last night while AJ and I talked (he was trying to calm me down about the situation)he had his hand on my belly and for the first time felt his little baby move. So, in reply he hollered at my tummy, "Hi baby! I LOVE YOU!" I am so glad my baby has a loving daddy. AJ is the cool, calming water that extinguishes my angry fire and he is so reassuring and supportive. I love you AJ!